The dusk is progressively seeable. Biddings of supplication call Muslim to pray. I, with my little household, do pray together. This is my household: Riza, Ririn, and me, Nia. We live merrily and full of love. Yet, it ‘s difficult for me to experience it. Love.
I got up at 3 o’clock. For now I let my hubby to kip. I knew he was tired. I took wudhu and did tahajud praying. Actually, we did it together. Now I needed entirely with God. I wanted to state everything I feel although Allah knew how I feel. My bosom was hurt and confused. I felt there was something incorrect with me. I cried, but non overdone. I was afraid my hubby got up and found me shouting.
My hubby went to his office. Before traveling to the office, he picked Ririn up to her school. My hubby kissed me and said love to me. He ne’er forgot that. He looked at me full of love. I tried to look at his eyes, but I did so difficult. I would shout if I stood looking at him.
I screamed to my bosom, “ Why ca n’t you love him? ! Why? ! ” I saw our nuptials exposure. It was seemed so happy, smile, and full of love. “ God, delight assist me! ” Do non allow me like this! It is difficult for me. Please maintain my bosom! ” I tried to stand, non to shout. I screamed to myself.
I went to my room. I opened my diary and wrote.
This is still about my hubby. I ‘m regretful, I do n’t cognize how this feeling begins to come into my bosom. I do n’t cognize what the feeling is, possibly this is love. I ‘m regretful this love possibly non for you. I know it ‘s incorrect. I know I ‘m stupid. Even I ‘m a bad married woman. And I know it ‘s difficult for you to accept this if you know. But, you must cognize it. I try to halt feeling this, but it ‘s difficult to ever maintain my bosom for you. Merely for you.
You know, dear
I close my eyes. I try to conceive of you. My bosom is broken possibly shed blooding. I do n’t non like this feeling. I wan na shriek. I ‘m so baffled and I do n’t hold a power to fight, to contend my bosom. I ‘m afraid this felicity will be gone.
I had promised to my female parent and myself that I would maintain my bosom for my hubby, a adult male Allah sent for me. A adult male who called me married woman, my kid called him abi. I would be in love merely with one adult male, my hubby. But now, I cheat him! I hate myself. Yet, I swear it ne’er crosses my head to rip off him. Never! Even I do n’t cognize I am rip offing my hubby or my bosom is rip offing me.
I cried. I was confused and my bosom was hurt.
In the afternoon, my girl, Ririn went place. she ran toward me and hugged me. “ Ummi ” she said softly. She seemed happy. Yeah, she was my small faery. Beautiful and cheerful.
I read Koran with Ririn. It made me quiet down. I saw Ririn, was near me, was reading Koran. Now she was reading juz 13. She had memorized juz 30 whereas she was 10 old ages old. I paid attending to her. I smiled and felt proud to hold her. Yet, still in my bosom I was still confused. I wanted to shout if I realized my bosom. I screamed, but merely on my journal. Here, I wrote everything I felt that I could non state anyone particularly my hubby. I merely shared on this journal.
After reading Koran, I opened on page 139 where the last narrative I shared on this diary. I wrote once more on the following page. It was still about him, my hubby.
Now my bosom is hurt. I do n’t cognize how to bring around this hurting. Merely Allah can assist me. I do hard to love my hubby. I try to love him all the clip. Yet, this feeling comes once more. I know this is love. But it ‘s incorrect. I love incorrect individual. I realize it. Please, believe me I want merely you on my head and in my bosom. I want merely the adult male who Allah sends for me as my hubby. And this is merely for you. I try it, but it ‘s difficult. Sometimes I can non halt my head to conceive of his face, his smiling, and all about him make full on my head. I ‘m ashamed to Allah, you, our girl, and everyone. I ‘m a bad married woman. I let my head conceive ofing about him. I have failed to be good married woman. I feel sorry for you. Please, forgive me! I know it ‘s difficult for you to forgive me. I would make that excessively if I were you.
My dearest hubby,
The of import thing you have to cognize that I ever pray to Allah. I wish Allah will direct a particular bundle to my bosom and it is love. It is written your name. Merely your name. And now I ‘m seeking to love you. At this clip, I promise to maintain my bosom for you. I ‘m yours and you ‘re mine. I will pass all of my life with you and our kids. We live merrily everlastingly with full of love. Wish Allah blesses us. Please, forgive me! This is my promise and I ‘ll maintain it from now and everlastingly.
I closed my diary easy and set it on the drawer. I looked at our marrying exposure once more. At this clip, I felt I was ready to get down bit by bit to love him, my hubby. I saw his image. This adult male who ever said I love you every forenoon to me. I did non desire to lose his love. Love from my hubby, Riza Harlino.
I was reading a narrative for Ririn when Riza arrived. Ririn rushed into his embracing. My hubby approached me and smiled.
Oh Allah, delight give me a opportunity to love him now! Directly my girl said, ” Abi, Ummi said she does loves you. ” I was surprised Ririn could state that. Now I was looking at my hubby ‘s face. He was still smiling for me. He touched my face quietly, ” And you know, beloved? My love for you and our girl is the most valuable than others. I will make everything to do you happy. ” He said that by looking at my eyes. He said with full of love for me. I could experience nil he said was lie. I could see from his eyes that he loved me really much. I realized and started to love him everlastingly.